Latest jokes and gossip



How do you know when there’s a singer at your front door? He can’t find the key, and doesn’t know when to come in.

How many guitars does a guitarist really need? Just one more…

How do you know someone’s a really good guitarist? He’ll tell you!

Q: What’s the difference between a banjo player and god?
A: God doesn’t think he’s a banjo player.

Q. How can you tell if a bagpipe is out of tune?
A. Someone is blowing into it.

I have spent a bit of time with Tom Paley recently. He comes from New York and was a founder of the New Lost City Ramblers in the late 1950s. They were an influential group who revived earlier country music stuff. Tom is a great guitarist and banjo player who played with Woodie Guthrie and Brownie McGhee and visited Leadbelly. Ry Cooder was taught by him. He was ‘named’ to the House Unamerican Affairs Committee by Harvey Matusow who was later jailed for perjury. He refused to testify and for the past 50 odd years he has lived in a flat in the Pentonville road. Nowadays he plays in the New Deal String Band with Joe Locker (Banjo) and Ben Paley, his son, who is a brilliant fiddler. Tom in 87. An inspiring man.

What’s the difference between the James Last Orchestra and a cow?

The cow has the horns at the front and the arsehole at the back.

Q: What is the difference between a guitarist and a Savings Bond?
A: Eventually a Savings Bond will mature and earn money!

Q How can you end up with a Million Pounds playing the Harmonica?
A You start with 2 Million.

We went to a marvelous gig at the Half Moon the other night.  It was a benefit for Albert Lee’s bass player – Brian Hodgson – who has Parkinsons.  Albert’s band – Hogan’s Heroes – was on stage for most of the evening with a galaxy of guest appearances – Brian Berry, John Lewis (Jonah Lewie), Marty Wilde (who sang ‘Teenager in Love’ at the age of 75, Chas and Dave, a fantastic singer/pianist called Donya Oxford.. Albert is still playing wonderful guitar.

After a tiring day a commuter settled down in his seat and closed his eyes. Just then a young woman sat down next to him and pulled out her mobile phone and started talking in a loud voice. ‘Hi sweetheart, I’m on the train. Yes I know its six thirty and not four thirty but I’ve had a long meeting. No, not with Kevin from accounts or Matthew in personnel, I was with the boss. No, sweetheart, nothing like that, you are the only one in my life’
This went on for some 20 minutes until the male commuter had had enough. Leaning over he said into the phone ‘Sue, hang up the phone and come back to bed’ The young lady flushed bright red, switched off the phone and remained silent for the rest of the journey.

What’s the difference between a Rock Guitarist and a Jazz Guitarist?

A Rock Guitarist plays three chords to thousands of people. 

A jazz guitarist plays thousands of chords to three people!